


The P-Chan Letters

by printfogey



Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Deception, F/M, Gen, Identity Reveal, Letters, p-chan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3686874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/printfogey/pseuds/printfogey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prequel, a letters collection and a sequel. Starts a few months after the end of the manga. Ryoga decides to finally come clear to Akane. Ranma/Akane and Ryoga/Akari, but with the main focus on Ryoga's and Akane's friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finding

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old work, first posted around ten years ago if I'm not mistaken, polished up a bit since then (but not actually recently). The FFML (Fan Fiction Mailing List) were helpful in suggesting improvements. It was actually written and posted with just the middle part first, the collection of letters. At first I thought that was all the story needed, but then I got asked for and found I wanted to write what happened next. And in that case, it seemed like it needed more of a set-up as well, so I wrote the first part, expanded the middle (adding several letters) and then the last part. It ended up as three separate fics on fanfiction.net, though in retrospect I don't think that was truly warranted. There is less cohesion than in most chaptered fics but it's still a unified whole. Probably. 
> 
> As you can imagine I'm not planning to do any extensive rewrites of this story, but constructive criticism is still welcome, nitpicks very much included, as is any kind of feedback.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: The characters and situations of Ranma 1/2 were created and are owned by Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only. This fic may not be used for profit and should not be made available elseewhere without the writer's approval.

"A sea of hatred," he had said to himself, as he crossed a parking lot in Niigata. "Yes. That's what it feels like."  
He rubbed his bleary eyes, made a note of the phrase in his head and walked on. This was four days before the meeting.

Ryoga Hibiki could never determine if the dreams which had begun to plague him that summer had a natural origin or not. After all, when magic is an inescapable part of your life, you can't just rule out a supernatural explanation. But he had no real grounds to suspect that, either. All he knew was that he had never had dreams like that before. 

Perhaps he had unwittingly angered a restless spirit, trespassing on haunted ground somewhere in his travels. Or perhaps they simply came from a dark place within him, through a door that had not been opened until now.

But why now, though? He had finally made his choice, given up on the goal that had been his for so long, with all the hope and struggle it had inspired and sustained. That was over. There was a loss there, but it did seem like the right thing to do, finally. It made him feel both loss and relief, the comfort of a straighter path mingling with a certain emptiness. But in any case, things were supposed to be easier now.

And then, around midsummer, he had the first of these strange new nightmares.   
Ryoga couldn't understand it.

It went on too long. He had to talk to someone - and there was really only one he could turn to. So he wrote and asked for her to meet him in this park, on this day. 

And here they were, now, walking on the lanes at a slow pace, having found no benches where they could sit down and be in private.

Akari had looked at him closely, and then she asked him how he was, and if he was sleeping enough. That was all the cue Ryoga needed to start talking about the bad dreams. As he groped for words that could describe them properly - so she wouldn't think he was making a big fuss over nothing - some of the images rose in his mind again.

A sea of hatred, that's what it felt like...

The one where Akane, having learned about his curse, constructed a cruel and clever punishment, one she felt would teach him a lesson... only the shame grew far too large for him to bear. He had to give up his own self, abandon his name, become someone else... losing everything...

The one where Akari and Akane walked away from him both, leaving him there on the ground, their eyes and voices boring into him still with the sheer weight of their great contempt, leaving him no way out at all. The future painted itself before him, hard and bleak and short...

The one where he made himself break up with Akari, for her own good, before she could be hurt worse, tearing down himself so he would not feel any more guilt, and then left for the road...

The ones where he hurt Akane badly, sometimes even killing her...

The one where he killed Ranma and was glad, although he did not want to be: he was trapped in a horrible, destructive joy with no way out that he could see... 

 

...there were so many of these dreams, and they did not fade, they stayed with him. He could not push them safely away to a hidden corner in his mind. Even during the day, dark thoughts filled his head, and he found himself obsessively going through them, again and again: could he have done that, instead? or this? would that have helped? Sometimes, he came up with another   
way he could have acted, but usually not. The dreams weren't illogical and bizarre in the usual manner of dreams; they were much more realistic and consistent than they had a right to be, but the situations they placed him in weren't any he found easy to handle.

He tried to convey all this to Akari, to explain a little about what the dreams felt like. Perhaps he wanted to make her help him reach the decision he was groping for.

She listened to him attentively. They had stopped on a bridge, and she rested her hand on the rail, but did not look down on the water below. It must have rained quite a lot the previous night, Ryoga thought, for the brook ran very briskly for an August day.  
Akari's face had filled with sympathy as he spoke, but she had also frowned.

"What's all this about Akane?" she asked him.

"I, um, I used to be in love with her," he mumbled. He heard her gasp. "She kissed me, once, and I fell in love with her," he said, kicking at a pebble on the ground. "Only, she didn't know it was me..."

Once he'd begun like that, it was not half as hard as he had thought. He did not have to be impossibly courageous and self-denying; he just had to tell her what happened, one sentence at a time.

He had a feeling that for the past few days, as he was moving towards the meeting-place in this park, he had also been trying to find something else. Perhaps it was this conversation he had been trying to find, to see its shape and course before it took place. And even more so, the other conversation still waiting in the future, not yet real and fact but so powerful in its uncertainty.

So he leaned on the rail and stared down at the rushing brook, as the words fell out of him like pebbles kicked into the water. Did he have to tell her all of it, that too, and this part? he wondered as he spoke. No - he swerved away from them: he could speak of those later. If there would be a later, with Akari. Stick to what was necessary, he told himself. Explain about the truth   
and the dreams.

"...so, what I think now," he finished, "is that if I told her, told her my secret by itself, well, maybe that will make one of the nightmares come true, but not all of them. Maybe that will help things."

Then he stopped, and turned to Akari.

Her eyes scared him. He almost took a step back - was that tears? - but it was too late. She was already hugging him.

"Oh, how lonely you must have been!" she cried out.

The next moment, however, she stepped back and slapped him.

"You idiot!" she said forcefully. "What did you go and do something like that for?"

Ryoga began to stammer an incoherent answer.

"Wait," said Akari, suddenly blushing. She held up her hand as if to ward him off. "I didn't do that in the right order, did I?"

Ryoga stared at her, finding nothing to say. Well, he thought suddenly, now it's her turn to shape this, this talk, or whatever I should call it. I've handed the tools over to her now.

"Don't you see what this means?" she exclaimed. She jabbed a finger into his breast, then boxed him on the shoulder. "She doesn't love you! She won't forgive you! I would have forgiven you!" She clutched her right hand with the left, holding it tightly. Both her arms were trembling. 

"And now you're not mine," she finished sadly. "You're not mine."

Oh no, thought Ryoga. This is where I have to say something, something deep and important. But the words were gone, the pebbles were gone, there were only the sunlight and the trees and the sound of running water. And, now and again, strangers passing by, forcing the two of them to pause in their talk. Perhaps they should go somewhere more quiet, but he could not summon the strength to do that.

She looks beautiful, he thought suddenly. She had always looked quite pretty to him, even lovely, but he could not recall her ever looking this beautiful. 

(He would wonder about this, later. This was the first time she had been truly angry with him, and was not anger supposed to make you look ugly? But perhaps it also made you more real...)

He thought he could feel one or two more words come back into his mouth again, as he stood there only looking at her, not noticing the passers-by.

"Akari," he started - this was the easiest of the pebbles - "Akane and I, we're not..." He faltered, and tried again. "I mean, even if there was a chance, we're not... I don't think we could have been a couple."

This somehow still hurt to say, though it was not supposed to. He took a deep breath. The right words were somewhere out there, were they not? He only had to find them and reel them in. "It's true that I wanted that, I dreamed about it. But now..." And how truly odd this felt, saying things like this out loud, as if Akari was a figment of his mind and not an actual person of the flesh, standing there. But even so, he went on.

"...I don't think I would know how to be her boyfriend. I didn't know how to go about it. I knew how to worship her from afar, and that was it."

Akari had stopped trembling. She held her whole body very stiff. "How can you love two people at once?" she asked. "If that is even how you feel about me..." She crossed her arms and turned away from him, her back looking tense and angry.

There had been dreams where he killed her. Not by intention, never that, but through careless physical strength or mindless depression that tore them both down. Perhaps a true hero would walk away from her now, at this point.

But that thought tasted like a nightmare in itself. He kicked it aside.

"If I _can_ be with you, then I want to," he mumbled at last.

She turned and looked at him again, her gaze softer, now. "It must be more than just honour," she said. "Those nightmares wouldn't be so bad, if you didn't still love her."

Ryoga scratched the back of his head. Then he tried to tell Akari how he felt: that Akane had saved him once, letting him feel love and tenderness back when all seemed hopeless, when sheer revenge had been his only goal in life. He felt he owed her for that, for opening his heart up again.

Akari hugged him for a second time, then. This time she did not let go as quickly.

"Even so," she mumbled, "even so..." Then she wiped her eyes. "Well, I guess there's nothing I can do about that, anyway," she said.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"No, tell me," begged Ryoga.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" Akari's voice sounded strained now, as she looked up at him. "Even if I don't know if you'll fall for her again once you get there..."

"But I won't..."

"I've still got to let you go."

"I've made up my mind for good. And besides..."

"Because you still belong to her, after all," she whispered.

"...that's the only way to get rid of the nightmares," mumbled Ryoga. 

They looked at one another.

"Good luck," she whispered.

But she looks afraid, he thought. She looks far too afraid.


	2. The P-Chan Letters Collection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Note: This takes place in the mid-90s before the Internet got really big, so none of these letters are e-mails. None of the characters have mobile phones either. I've assumed for the purpose of this fic that Ryoga has a postal box somewhere in Nerima - possibly close to Furinkan high school - which he manages to find fairly often during this period (often for him, that is).]
> 
> [Note two, long after first posting: The "prologue" is a note from Ranma dated after all the others, regarding the wisdom of compiling these letters in the first place. I have to admit that I forget if he's addressing "me", breaking fourth wall style, or if I had been thinking of an in-universe reason for a compilation. More probably it's the former.]

PROLOGUE

 

You've got to be kidding. First of all, they'll never agree to show them to you.  
Second, just asking will only stir up a lot of bad old feelings again.We don't need that.   
Things are finally a little calmer around here, but that hasn't been easy to manage, believe   
me. And anyway, what's the point? People don't put the really important stuff they go   
through in letters. What they really do and say and feel doesn't wind up on paper.   
I thought everyone knew that.

 

-Ranma

PS: But if you go through with this anyway, I want first dibs on  
reading them. I've earned it.

 

THE P-CHAN LETTERS

 

September 21, 1995

 

Dear Akane,

I suppose I am a coward. The other day I went to your house to talk to you, but you were   
not at home yet. I sat and waited for a little while, but then changed my mind and left.   
I decided to go home instead, where I am now, writing this.

I think if I had stayed and tried to talk to you, we would probably have been interrupted   
by somebody or something, and then I would have lost my nerve. Or we would _not_   
have been interrupted and I would still have lost my nerve. It's hard enough writing this   
down. I think if I were face to face with you I would not be able to stop thinking about   
how you'd never smile at me or look at me in a friendly way again. And then I would back   
out, and you would let me. I am _such_ a coward. 

I'm planning to stay at my house for a week at least. (I have supplies, and my dog will help   
me mail this letter.) If you want restitution, this is where to look first. I will do anything   
you ask.

But you do deserve to know. And I can't get rid of the nightmares. And now I've told Akari,   
so I have to tell you.

There isn't a good way to say this, so I'll just say it: That little pig you carry around sometimes   
isn't a real pig. It's just a Jusenkyo curse. Actually it's me.

I was also in love with you for a very long time. That's no excuse for anything, but it's the   
other thing that has been going on that you didn't know about. So you deserve to know   
about that too.

Believe it or not, but I really am sorry. I suppose you would have been better off if you'd   
never met me.

Ryoga Hibiki 

 

 

September 26, 1995

'Restitution'?  
I don't want money, if that's what you mean. In fact, I'm thinking of sending back all those   
things you've given me.

I don't know what you think would be restitution. It's not like I could do the same thing to you.

Akane Tendo

 

 

September 27, 1995

 

Dear Akane,

By 'restitution' I mean whatever you may think is right for me to make amends. I don't think   
I can put any conditions on it.  
That is not for me to do.

Ryoga Hibiki 

 

 

October 1, 1995

I see. I will think about it. 

In the meanwhile, I'm sending back some of the gifts you've given me. Not all: some I've thrown  
away or will give to charity. Some I have decided to keep. Teach me to be less stupid.  
It may interest you to learn that my fiancé has spoken up a lot on your  
behalf, by the way.

Akane Tendo

 

 

October 7, 1995

Dear Ryoga,

When we happened to meet the other day you asked me to do what I could for you, if I would.   
I can now report that I have spoken up in your defense to Akane on no less than three separate   
occasions. Included in this envelope is a tape recording two of these occasions, for proof. 

My fee for this service is 2300 yen, in which the cost for the tape and its postage are included.   
If you value your future connections with our family, I expect you to pay fully and promptly.

Should you wish for a continuation of my services on your behalf inthis household, please see   
the included slip of the going rates for this kind of public relations services. I have extended it   
to other parts of the household: Kasumi, my father, and Mrs Saotome (who practically lives here,  
by now). Oh, and me, of course. (I can be pretty hard to convince at times.)

Cordially yours,

Nabiki Tendo 

 

October 8, 1995

 

Ryoga,

I am writing to you as Mrs Saotome, Ranma's mother, has asked me to convey her wish to meet   
and talk to you, either at the Saotome house or at your place. If you wish to comply with this,   
you can write her at the address I give below. 

Mrs Saotome - I don't believe you have met her previously - is a very pleasant, sweet and kind-  
hearted person, and we are all quite fond of her. But she is also a woman of firm character with   
strong beliefs and a rather traditional outlook. Perhaps you should keep in mind that she  
does not necessarily speak for my little sister. 

Sincerely,

Kasumi Tendo

 

[Letter from Ryoga to Nabiki could not be obtained. The compiler was out of credit at the time, -Ed.]

 

October 20, 1995

 

Dear Impostor,

Suit yourself. If I don't get anything out of a different position on the matter, I suppose I'll have   
no option but to keep holding you a grudge for the way you've treated my little sister and   
deceived most of us (except for certain rats who were in on the whole thing). Snakes reared in  
the family bosom is the phrase that springs to mind.

Nevertheless, I appreciate that you paid the previous bill so quickly, even though you didn't keep  
the tape. Let me know if you change your mind regarding business in the future (but do keep in   
mind that my prices are adjusted to the inflation rate).

Nabiki Tendo 

 

October 11, 1995

 

Dear Akane,

I fear you will think I'm putting my nose into what isn't my business, but I just wanted to ask of you  
not to be too hard on Ryoga dearest. He values your opinion of him very highly, you know. 

Yours sincerely,

Akari Unryu

 

October 15, 1995

 

Dear Akari,

That is really between me and him. But since you ask - well, I have the choice of either   
being hard on him or not being anything at all, that is to say, pretending he does not exist.   
What would you prefer?

Yours respectfully,  
Akane

PS: I know this isn't very politely put, but this is how I feel. Does he know you wrote me?

 

October 18, 1995

 

Dear Akane,

No, I haven't told Ryoga that I wrote to you.   
I'm sorry - Well, I'm not sorry for speaking up for him, but I'm sorry that I don't quite   
understand and wish I did. But I suppose I might well feel like you do, if I were in your   
shoes. Especially if it concerned some other boy who I wasn't in love with.

By the way, I understand that you and Ranma will also turn eighteen next year. May I ask   
if you're planning to get married?

Best wishes,

Akari Unryu

 

 

October 22, 1995

 

Dear Akari,

I'm glad you don't seem too upset for the way I wrote earlier. I hope that you and I can s  
till be friends, but I would strongly prefer it if you could refrain from discussing your   
boyfriend.

About Ranma and me - we'll see. There are other people to consider. Also, I'm not sure   
that Ranma would really like teaching at a dojo for a living. Maybe I could do the teaching,  
but in that case I want to get better first.

Yours truly,

Akane

 

October 22, 1995

Dearest Akari,

I'm sorry I just left so quickly last night. I guess I just couldn't find the right words to express  
what I felt, even though the matter is important to me. 

But I do need you to understand that I really do want to get rid of my curse. Even if pigs are   
as wonderful as you think, they're still just animals, right? And it makes me feel as if I'm less   
than fully human, being cursed to turn into one. That I'm less than other people.

But anyway, I've decided not to go looking for a cure until I've got things squared with Akane.   
It just feels better that way. (Besides, I would probably be away from you for a very long time.)

It feels so strange to me that I can actually write about things like this to someone! I've never   
really had _meaningful_ letters from anyone before... [remainder of letter snipped]

The best wishes  
from your devoted Ryoga

 

October 25, 1995

My dearest Ryoga,

(...)...Actually, I think it makes you _more_ human than others. Because your experience   
makes you more knowledgeable than most people - very few know what it's like to wear   
another creature's form. (And the form itself is so nice!) Both humans and animals are simply   
parts of nature - and pigs have Buddha natures, too!

I'm very glad that you no longer have most of those terrible nightmares. But do you know what?  
I wish you would keep in mind sometimes that Akane Tendo is a regular person, not some kind of  
goddess. She can make mistakes and be wrong like anyone else. If she feels like holding you a   
grudge for a long time, why should you put your whole life on hold?

Give my love to Shirokuro.

Hugs and kisses,  
your little Akari

 

November 14, 1995

Hiya,

Akane says to tell you she thought of something you could do. You can meet us outside the old   
school next Saturday or later. Say around five or so. 

Cheers,

Ranma

PS: Mom says the puppy is doing just fine. (Hey, that was a pretty good idea you had!)  
PS II: Five **p.m** , that is.  
PSIII: Next Saturday. Got it??

 

November 23, 1995

Ryoga,

Shampoo accept your challenge. But if you no show up before sundown, I claim victory.

Shampoo

 

November 25, 1995

(...) Well, there is an interesting new development around here. To tell you the truth, I'm not  
certain whether to be grateful or not that Mousse has gone home for his mother's birthday.  
I'm leaning toward the former, even though we are dreadfully overworked. 

You see, we had a surprise visit the other day, from young Ryoga Hibiki - you remember him?   
Son-in-law's rival, learned the Breaking Point from me, turns into a little pig? Right. Well, of all   
things he handed over a politely worded challenge letter to Shampoo, for a fight in three  
weeks' time, then managed to sneak away before I could talk to him properly and find out   
what's on the bottom of this.

Now, I doubt this boy is angling for an Amazon wife, not that he'd get one anyway, as   
Shampoo is already spoken for, so what might this be about? I also had him pegged for one   
of those silly boys who won't fight women, or at least not young and pretty women! I would   
expect this to be a scheme from our potential son-in-law, except that it seems far too subtle  
for him. 

Well, time will tell, I suppose. Meanwhile, my great-granddaughter is a bit rattled, and has   
thrown herself into training with unusual fervour.  
She's afraid of acquiring another pest like Mousse, the poor thing, and has been badgering   
me every minute of the day to teach her new techniques in time for the fight. So it looks like   
something good will come out of it, anyway...(...)

\- excerpt from a letter by Cologne to her sister

 

November 26, 1995

My dear Akari,

It's getting colder. Yesterday I saw the first snow falling, many tiny flakes spinning in the   
gusts of wind before settling on the ground, where most of them melted. Today the weather   
is crisp and clear. I've just finished breakfast by the campfire. I miss you.

In a few weeks I'm to fight an unusual match for me , first because I think I'll win without too   
much trouble (I've had easy fights before, but not ones who were arranged beforehand).   
Second, because it's against a girl, and I usually don't fight girls. 

I'm not particularly worried about that, though. I don't know what I'm worried about, if   
anything. Maybe I feel a little like those snowflakes yesterday, spinning every which way in   
the great white sky. I guess perhaps I just don't know what to do with my life, or with my  
time. I'm not sure I know how to be good enough, or stay good enough. 

Don't get me wrong - it's not like I'm really downcast, just a little worried, but not about this   
next fight. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. 

Sorry I couldn't be with you for the Regional Sumo Pig Championship.  
I'm happy for you that Katsunishiki won again.

All my love,

Ryoga

 

November 26, 1995

Dearest Ryoga,

Writing to you since there was some time since I heard from you, perhaps you haven't   
seen my last letter yet.[...]

...This is probably really silly of me, but sometimes I wonder if you wouldn't like me more   
\- or perhaps _approve_ of me more - if I did not care for your enchanted form   
(you know I can't see it as a curse). If I hated it, just like you claim to do. But you always   
knew that I'm not like that. And I think I'm right, and not just because pigs are the  
best animal to turn into. We _are_ part of nature.

Of course I like it best when you're a man and can hug me back. Even so, don't be upset   
if I say it is a special feeling to be able to pick up the one you love and hold him in your   
arms. After all, normally only boys - strong boys - get to do that, and not girls.

But that doesn't mean I would care any less for you if you lost your enchanted form.   
I wouldn't! And I would help you do it, if you asked.   
In fact, I wouldn't mind going to China with you one day.

Do you think we could meet at Christmas or New Year's? 

Lots of kisses from your Akari

 

December 14, 1995

Dearest Akari,

I'm writing you on the day after I had that fight with the girl, Shampoo. (I did win, but   
she asked for a rematch in January.) I would hope that we could meet even before the   
holidays, but especially then. I always try to get home for New Year's - usually Mom and   
Dad manage to be there, too - but if you could come over, it would be great. Or perhaps  
we could go out for a movie or something on Christmas.

Your latest letter gave me a lot to think about. I don't see why you would think something   
like that - and how could I 'approve' of you more? I'm not the one who should approve anything. 

I think if you had hated the pig form I would probably have lied to you and kept lying,   
like I did to Akane. We could never have gotten very close then.

It does feel pretty good to be hugged by the one you love, even as a pig, I have to admit.   
You feel safe and protected - but you can't talk, and you're not much good when it comes  
to protecting someone. It's like being turned into a mute little child, maybe even a baby. 

You know, Shirokuro's puppies have gotten rather big by now - I've given three of them   
away. But my cursed form doesn't change. It will never grow up. And if I keep it, if I am   
happy with it, then I won't really be grown-up myself, will I?

I would love travelling with you, but I'm scared of taking you to Jusenkyo. It's a very   
dangerous place.

I miss you a lot.

Love,

Ryoga

 

January 19, 1996

Mousse,

I accept your challenge, but you're wrong about my intentions.  
Not that it matters, anyway. Things turn wrong if they can, fights or no fights. I'll see   
if I can get there on time.

Ryoga

 

[No date written. Postage stamp is January 16, 1996]

 

Dear Akari,

I wonder if you wouldn't be better off with somebody else.

Love,  
Ryoga

 

January 27, 1996

 

You're scaring me. Don't scare me like that.  
I'm going out to look for you now.  
Love, Akari

 

January 31, 1996

 

Hello,

I've heard something of what's been going on. Will you please stop using that horrible   
technique? Cologne said it only makes people more miserable. What's more, someone   
could get seriously hurt, including you even. I don't think I would like that.

I think we need to meet and talk properly. I can understand if you won't want to come   
here, but you will not be turned away if you do. At the very least, we could stop avoiding   
each other in the street. 

Thanks for the help with Shampoo.  
Yours sincerely,

Akane

PS: I'm making two copies of this letter. One I'll send to the P.O box you use, the other   
I'm going to tie to your dog, if I can find her.

PS II: I don't think I would have been better off if I'd never met you.


	3. Someday, Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the letters collection. The idea was that there had been things going on "behind the scenes", so to speak, in order for everything to make sense in terms of what the characters would do. Not sure if it does make sense, even so!

"It ridiculous."

Shampoo turned away dismissively, casting a look out the window. Akari followed her gaze, but couldn't see anything of interest outside. The cold, gray February weather did nothing to cheer her up. Everything seemed bleak and desolate out there.

Shampoo's great-grandmother had told them they could use the kitchen to talk, for a while. The restaurant was closed down right now for cleaning anyway, she said. Through the door, Akari could hear the sounds of mopping and scrubbing and, occasionally, the old woman's chiding her assistant and his grumble in return.

"Maybe it's ridiculous to you," said Akari shyly. "But I hardly know anything about it, about Ryoga's challenge to you and your fight... He didn't write me much at all." She had heard a little more from Akane recently, but something told her not to mention this. "And I'm worried about him right now," she continued, "and since you and Mr. Mousse are those who have seen him most recently..."

Shampoo tsked.

"All right, then," she said with a loud sigh. "This what happened. We fight, he win. I make new challenge, he win again. He ask to teach me. I no want stupid boy my own age teach me. I only ask Ranma do that as favour... and to be with man I love." She sighed, a dreamy look coming into her eyes fleetingly, then disappearing very quickly again. "But I say yes anyway," she finished. She took a kitchen knife and started to hack up some vegetables that lay there.

"Why?" said Akari nervously. Although this girl seemed no older than herself and couldn't speak Japanese properly, she still managed to make Akari feel very young and immature in comparison. 

"Because I mad," said Shampoo calmly, expertly starting to flick zucchinis and potatoes in the air to and fro, cutting them in half as they fell down on the edge of the knife. "It must be all Ranma fault. He too scared of Akane to say he teach me, when I ask two months back. So he get stupid pig-boy do it instead. Shampoo get better, so can go beat up Ryoga _and_ Ranma, and do it good. Ranma learn he no can treat future wife like that." She nodded with satisfaction, put away the cut-up vegetables and rinsed the kitchen knife under the tap. She hummed a bit as she did so, but it was hard to say whether she rubbed her hands together in anticipation or simply to get them dry from the dishwater.

Akari opened her mouth and nearly blurted out "But Ranma's engaged to Akane", then thought better of it. Warning words from her conversation with Ukyo the other day and from Akane previously returned to her now. She'd had to stop just saying things without thinking first. People could get hurt. Or at least become angry and unhelpful. 

"You know," she said instead, "he - I mean Ryoga - he's said he'd like to try to become a teacher of martial arts one day. He'd have to learn to fight girls then, too, or so he wrote me." She glanced at Shampoo. 

Shampoo shrugged. "I no care," she said. "He only show up once, anyway. This Wednesday. We start sparring."

Akari leaned forward anxiously. "Did something happen? Did you say something mean to him?"

"No! Shampoo tell you already. Maybe he seem down, but Ryoga so often down, I no think about it. He say he can learn from me, too, but then he no pay attention when I start show him. I go mad, he still no listen. Then Mousse show up."

Akari bit her lip. "Ryoga used that depression technique, didn't he?" she mumbled. "That heavy energy-thingie." Mousse had seemed upset when he talked about it, maybe even bitter. But she had a feeling that part of his reaction might be what Ranma seemed to feel, too: they seemed to be angry at Ryoga for getting so depressed for no good reason - as they saw it - and without letting them know anything about it. 

She sighed. They don't understand, she thought. But then, did she?

"Yes, Ryoga use Shishi Hokodan," said Shampoo now. "Is dangerous construction technique. For Amazons, is forbid to fight with." She looked thoughtful. "I no want to learn anyway, but maybe try Ranma's variation one day. That one no is forbid."

"And what happened then?"

"People show up, Great-Grandmother come running, Ryoga just leave and walk. First slowly, then faster, then he run. Great-Grandmother tell me help get Mousse to restaurant, and that all."

"I see," said Akari slowly. She looked out the window again. It was looking heavier outside now, as if it was going to rain soon. 

"I wish I knew where he was," she mumbled.

Shampoo didn't seem to be listening. She had picked up some sort of weapon that had stood propped up towards the wall - a big, rounded clublike thing which Akari didn't know the word for - and was now swinging it gently.

"Maybe no good sparring with him anyway," she said. "Ryoga... he give up, he no stubborn enough. He, what you say, he resign."

Akari swallowed.   
"Um... is that why you call him stupid?" she said.

Shampoo looked at her with a half annoyed, half surprised expression. Then she looked away, and sighed.  
"Think all men stupid," she said. "One way, or other way." A distant look, no longer exactly dreamy, came into her eyes. "At least Ranma have style. Good fighter."

She paused, then added: "He _very_ good fighter," as if to underline a point.

"But, you know..." said Akari, "I talked a bit to Mr Mousse just now" - it had been her first introduction to the Chinese youth, not in the best of circumstances - "but I didn't quite understand why he had been angry. He said something about some Amazon custom I didn't get, and Ryoga not explaining things to him properly..."

"So what?" said Shampoo, shrugging. "Mousse never need reason to be nuisance. Ryoga never need reason to be mad and fight." 

"No, no, I can't believe that," protested Akari. "Ryoga doesn't fight for no reason. Maybe it's not always easy to understand the reason, but it's always there, I'm sure. Otherwise, he's as gentle as a pig."

Shampoo snorted at that for some reason. Akari continued, in a smaller voice: "But maybe Mousse _thought_ there was some reason to... I don't know... maybe he thought Ryoga was bothering you somehow...?" 

Shampoo suddenly smiled, not in a very friendly way. She put the weapon to the side and turned to give Akari her full attention, moving half a step closer to her. "You think I interested in stupid Ryoga? Think Mousse right to be jealous and 'protect'?"

"I didn't say that!" Akari said immediately, stepping back. "I don't - Of course he must have misunderstood -"

Shampoo went closer again. "Girl is sure?" she said sweetly. "What if he no misunderstood? What if something between me and Ryoga? Then what you do, weak girl?" She stopped smiling, her voice rising with contempt, "You be good and 'resign' yourself, run away and hide in hole and cry? Or you try to fight, get him back?"

A wave of hot anger shot up in Akari. She opened her mouth to say something, to shout maybe; but the words seemed to abandon her, and as she tried to fish for them in her mind, the feeling receded somewhat, replaced by confusion. She realised she _didn't_ really know what she would do if that happened.

"I don't know, Miss Shampoo," she said, with forced calm. "But I can tell you're just trying to provoke me." She glared briefly at the other girl, then looked away. 

Shampoo laughed. "Oh, girl is so-so smart," she said patronisingly. Nonchalantly flicking a few strands of her hair from her shoulder, she then stopped smiling and announced abruptly, "This boring. "I no have time to chat more now. Work in restaurant."

Akari thought the cleaning noises out there had been pretty weak for the last few minutes, but even if the cleaning was finished, there could of course be plenty of other things to do which Akari knew nothing about. She had never worked in a restaurant.

"Okay..." said Akari, nodding and sighing, then turned to where her things were. But the she changed her mind and turnedm around instead, before Shampoo could leave the kitchen. 

"Wait!" she exclaimed. "I mean... could you please just... do you know of any more places where I could look for him?"

"Yes," said Shampoo decidedly. "Good sulking places. Away from rain." 

But, strangely enough, Akari couldn't hear any contempt in her voice just then.

 

Shampoo walked out into the restaurant, and of course there was nothing for Akari to do but put her coat on, taking her umbrella, and leaving through the kitchen door. She sighed a bit, thinking about how easier it would have been to get around if her father had only allowed her to take Katsunishiki with her. It wasn't as if her prize-winning fighter pig ever minded a little rain. But Dad had needed their prize-winning fighter pig to help train the younger boars today. And she guessed it  
was true that people did seem to harbour bizarre antipathies against a near ton's worth of wet swine in their house. 

Her thoughts whirled from Shampoo's question. _What_ would _I do?_ she had to ask herself. _And what if I were  
in Shampoo's place - if I'd fallen for someone who everyone thinks will marry someone else? Would I cling even fiercer to my goal as it seemed less within reach? Would I work hard to make my love see that I am the best one for him, the one he should choose? _

_Or, or would I just give up? Because that might be best for him, after all - but what if it wasn't?_

_And if I was in Ryoga's shoes...?_

But of course, it wasn't the same thing at all. Ryoga had her, Akari. Someone else to like.  
Of course.

 

TWO DAYS EARLIER

"No," said Akane into the receiver. "No, I haven't seen him, Akari. I did send him a letter yesterday, but who knows when he'll see it?"

She listened a little, wiping her hands from rinsing the dishes. She thought she could sense Kasumi's eyes on her from the other room, possibly because the older girl was worried about the state of their dinner plates.

"Well," said Akane, "I wrote that I wanted to talk to him, and that I wished he would stop doing depression blasts like the other day. Because people could get hurt. But, Akari..." She listened some more, sighed and leaned back on a cupboard, adjusting the telephone cord as she did so.

"But listen," she tried again. "Whatever I say has to be the truth, right? Because otherwise he wouldn't believe me. Well, maybe he would, but he shouldn't. So I can't just say what _you_ think would be best for him to hear. It has to be what I really feel." She paused, listening. "No, of course not." She sighed loudly. "No, not anymore." A guarded, defensive look spread   
on her face. "Yes, so you say," she said tiredly. "You're not the only one, either. But I don't know if what I think really means that much to him _now_ , even if it used to do so back then."

Another pause. "Well, anyway. That's how I feel," she said decisively. "If I find him before you do, of course I'll let you know, or tell someone else to tell you." 

"Yes, of course. Please try to stay calm, Akari. And don't forget to eat or sleep, either," she added. "All right. Yes, you can phone me tomorrow if you like. Good-bye."

 

**

 

"I didn't know," said Akane now. She was plucking on the table cloth in front of her. The rain had surprised them in a neighbourhood she still didn't really know, and they had wound up in this unfamiliar restaurant, where, thankfully, a relatively secluded table had been free. 

"I didn't know it meant that much to you what I thought. As they say it does." Though, if she was honest, she had pretty much stopped doubting it by now, the quite frighteningly large part she seemed to have played in Ryoga's life without ever realising it. It gave her a strange sense of being unexpectedly powerful and annoyingly helpless, at the same time. It was not a  
power she had asked for. 

Ryoga was blushing. "Well," he mumbled inarticulately, then gave up and merely shrugged.

"Ranma especially told me that," she went on. "I guess that's why I held back, when I first wrote back to you, even though I didn't quite believe him. I was going to be much nastier at first."

"I was prepared for that," said Ryoga, almost tonelessly. "It wouldn't have surprised me if you were." His blush had gone down now, and he was no longer looking down at the table, but on the window shelf to her left. 

She looked out the window. The rain was beating down relentlessly out there. She would have preferred it if they could have been outside to talk, maybe in a park or somewhere (a vacant lot perhaps?), but the weather had not been accommodating. That wasn't the story of her life so much as the story of Ranma's life, she thought with a tiny smile, then she glanced at   
Ryoga and felt her smile falling off immediately.

Well, here they were. She felt very blank and inadequate. But there was no help for it. No matter what this young man might feel, she was the only one here with him. Not an angel or epitome of womanliness or amazing heroine, just a seventeen-year-old schoolgirl. And he was just a young man who turned into a pig. 

They were the only ones there, after all.

 

***

 

While this happened, Akari found herself having tea with Ranma's mother.

It was Nodoka Saotome, of all people, who had finally spotted Ryoga going down her street earlier today, as she had been carrying home groceries. She had asked him to come in and then made a phone call to her daughter-in-law-to-be. Akane had left straight away on her bike to Mrs Saotome's place, leaving it to Kasumi to tell Akari over the phone. And so now Akari was  
here, but Akane and Ryoga no longer were.

"No, I'm afraid not," said Mrs Saotome. "I offered them to use this very room, if they wanted to talk." She waved at the sitting-room around them. "But Akane said she thought it was too crowded, that it might be better if they could be somewhere outside. It hadn't yet begun to rain then, you see. Otherwise I don't suppose they would have gone. I'm sorry, but I have no  
idea where they might be just now. 

"I see," said Akari. She nibbled at a cookie politely. It tasted fine, but she'd had a hard time eating anything lately. "How did Ryoga seem to be?" she asked.

"Well, he seemed a little surprised to see me, so I suppose he hadn't planned to come here," said Ranma's mother. "And perhaps he did look a little tired. But, you know, I've only met your young man once before, so I don't really know what he's normally like. That was back in October, when he gave me my little Yamato, here." She smiled and cooed at the white-and-brown dog sitting beside her. 

Akari reached out and scratched him between the ears, just to show that they were old acquaintances. "Yes, he mentioned that he'd given you one of the puppies," she said. "But he really didn't say anything more about meeting you." Only that Ryoga thought she was surprisingly well-mannered and polite, considering whose mother she was. 

Mrs Saotome sipped her tea thoughtfully.

"It may have been rash of me," she said judicially. "Asking to meet with him. But you see, I've grown rather close to  
little Akane - I feel almost as if she were my own daughter. Still, it wasn't just that I could see how upset she was, so far from her normal cheerful self. No, you may not have another cookie," she told the dog. "I am not going to have a fat dog." She scratched him gently under his chin, then turned back to Akari. "But I had also heard that Ryoga's parents apparently don't have much to do with him, so I thought that might account for his behaviour."

Akari felt she had to stand up for the Hibikis. "They can't help it if they can't be home much," she protested. "And Ryoga's not that bad. He just lets his emotions run away with him at times." She blushed a little. Speaking of Ryoga's shortcomings still made her feel both a little ashamed and a little relieved. But maybe it was okay if he wasn't perfect.

"Well, it was only a guess," said Ranma's mother brightly. "I also wished to hear his side of the story." She frowned, and added seriously, "There was also my son's involvement to consider."

"Um," said Akari. "Ranma's been very heplful to me these last few days, trying to help me find Ryoga and so on... In fact, he's always been helpful, come to think of it."

Mrs Saotome smiled warmly. "That pleases me to hear," she said. "Though I expect no less of him. I did say to Ryoga that I appreciated that he had so often challenged my son, engaging him in healthy, manly competition, as I understand it." Mrs Saotome nodded with satisfaction to herself. "My husband says it is one of the things that have made the boy stronger, and   
Ranma has said himself that - Are you feeling alright, dear? You're trembling!"

"No, no, it's nothing," said Akari weakly, not understanding why she suddenly trembled all over. She forced herself to breathe slower. "No, it's nothing. I just..." This was ridiculous. Her arms and legs wouldn't stop shaking. She put a hand to her forehead and held quite still, forcing herself to breathe slowly.

"Perhaps you'd like a glass of water?" said Mrs Saotome, a concerned tone in her gentle voice.

Akari shook her head, without looking up. "No, no, it's all right," she said. "I just "- she blinked fiercely - "I'm just glad that we found him, that's all." And there was nothing she could do about it, the trembling, the conversations, or the rain: nothing at all. 

It was much like the way things were for her back home right now, with an ailing grandfather and a very sick sow and some other things (school, for one). There again there was so little she could do. But they'd found Ryoga, this woman had found him. And it still might not help.

It's out of my hands, she thought dully. It's up to you now, Akane. Just don't screw this up, or I swear I'll.... 

But there was no strength to her thoughts. She was just so very tired.

 

****

 

Akane cleared her throat, and took a deep breath.

"You know, it's just that, well..." She coughed, and drank a gulp of water. "...I'm tired. I'm fed up with being angry. I've already decided I'm not going to carry you any grudge anymore. It just wears me down. But not wearing a grudge isn't the same as everything being like before. It _can't_ be. If you want" - she shrugged, here - "we could just go our separate ways, with no hard feelings. You'd just leave" - she made a small, waving gesture - "and I'd leave, and neither of us bothering the other again. Or, perhaps you could - we could be friends, if you like."

She bit her lip, then took another sip from her tea, which was quite cold by now. "But I'm not sure that would be best for you, actually," she added. "Because if you want that, to be friends again, I think I'd need to ask you some questions and find out things for sure. So, um. It's up to you, really."

She had only looked at him very briefly during the last few minutes. Now she turned her head towards him again. Ryoga seemed to be studying the table again, twining a pair of leftover noodles absent-mindedly with his chopsticks. Slowly, he let out  
a long, deep sigh, then looked up and met her gaze at last.

"Do you mean that?" he said cautiously. "Do you really mean it, that you - " he swallowed, - "that you won't carry any grudges and all that? That you will release me?"

"Release?" said Akane, raising her eyebrows at the choice of words. 

"From my debt of honour," he clarified.

"Oh." She hadn't thought about it in quite those terms, but they were true enough. "Yep, I do."

He let out another deep sigh.  
"That's good," he said. He leaned back a little, taking a look at the restaurant around them. Then he looked thoughtful. "I haven't really earned it, though. Just waiting."

"And the Shampoo bit," she reminded him. 

"Oh, right. I forgot. I don't know if I did that too well, though..."

"What?" she said. "You did exactly what we asked for, what I had hoped for. You distracted her and got her to take up training seriously again. Ranma wanted to give her something, and he couldn't teach her by himself, so... And I wanted her out of the way that particular day. So, thank you." She looked up at him and smiled. It was a bit of an effort.

"Ah, well. Heh-heh." Ryoga laughed weakly, scratching the back of his head.

They sat quietly for a while. Akane felt herself relax, too, in response to Ryoga's lightening mood.   
"Though I suppose," she mused, "we could have been a bit clearer to Mousse about the whole thing. We didn't really think about that." 

Ryoga sighed again, a heavier kind of sigh. "I think maybe Mousse thinks you two are being disrespectful to Shampoo and that I'm helping you with that," he said thoughtfully. "Among some other things."

"Oh," said Akane, surprised to hear this from Ryoga. "He's not all wrong, I must say."

"I could have been clearer, too. When his challenge letter came at least," mumbled Ryoga. "But I _wanted_ to fight for real again, or thought I did... not always holding back so much..." 

He fell silent again, but he didn't seem too agitated. More tired than anything else.

Akane shifted position, wondering if she should remind him again what she'd said earlier, about the choice he needed to make. They couldn't just return to the way things used to be. She couldn't offer that. 

Because you _were_ my pet, she thought. We can't make that not have happened. And we can't simply go back to being those polite people again, back when I thought we were friends. Either we'll know each other well, or not at all. 

But maybe she hadn't explained to him properly enough. It seemed you always had to explain things really clearly to boys.

"So," he said slowly, "this means I'm free, but..." He paused, then he said, "But what is it that you want to know? If you'd asked before you'd said you'd forgiven me, I wouldn't have a choice not to tell you. But I guess I do have a choice, now.

Akane nodded. "And you can ask me things, too," she said, a little reluctantly. But it was probably fair. 

She tried to gather her thoughts quickly. "Well... Ranma has told me a lot about you that I didn't know, but of course it's all from his point of view. And I've been talking a bit with Akari, too, these last week or so. Ryoga, would you -"

She paused, then went on, in a lower voice, "If you'd managed to get cured before all this, would you still have told me truth afterwards?"

"I don't know," said Ryoga quietly. He was looking at his hands, rolling his thumbs. "Probably not, unless I still had those nightmares."

"What if we - what if I had fallen in love with you?" she asked very quietly. "Would you still have told me the truth, then?"  
He stopped rolling his thumbs and sat very still. The silence between them made the restaurant sounds appear louder. 

"Don't think so," said Ryoga finally. He seemed to try to laugh. It didn't come out very well. "Guess it's a good thing it didn't happen, huh?" he said, his voice sounding a little odd.

She glanced at him. He was looking out the window, his cheeks red. It looked like it had stopped raining.

"Ryoga, you know..." she said hesitantly. "I wouldn't have cared. I mean, I wouldn't have liked you any less if I had known from the start. I'm not saying I would have fallen in love with you" - darn it, now her face was growing hot again - "but I didn't when I didn't know, so... I mean," she tried to finish, "I don't think there's anything wrong with turning into a pig. I don't think that makes anyone a worse person."

Ryoga just nodded. There was something blank in his eyes. 

"I would have - " He stopped, clearing his throat. "I would have done whatever you asked me to do," he said. "Back then, because it was you, and now, to repay my debt. You know, this summer...when I talked to Akari about you, and those awful nightmares... she said I still - still belonged to you. And she was right. I couldn't become free until after I'd taken P-chan away from you.  
And even then, only if you could forgive me for it. Sorry about that," he mumbled.

"You know," said Akane slowly after a while, not looking at him, "I've been trying to imagine what it would have been like, if I had never met you, if I hadn't known you for these past few years. Because that's what you wrote in your letter. I suppose, well, I suppose I wouldn't have been hurt and upset and angry these last few months, but... I would have known less, you see? I would have been dumber, poorer. And lonelier, sometimes... it doesn't seem like a good thing. On the other hand," she added thoughtfully, "that might have been better for you."

He shook his head. "Never," he said quietly.

Akane shrugged. She didn't much feel like bad-mouthing herself right now, anyway.   
"And of course, Ranma would be dead," she mumbled, then trembled a little. She hadn't intended to say that.

"Huh?" said Ryoga. "Oh." He fingered his cup. "A couple of times," he admitted slowly. "But, you know, it was _you_ I always wanted to save. Not my enemy."

"Well," said Akane, smiling a little, rather wryly, "you did save me once, that time when Ranma fell in love with you and got jealous." 

He blushed crimson immediately.  
"Yeah. Right," he mumbled. Evidently this was not one of his cherished memories. Well, it hadn't exactly been fun for her, either.

"So," she said, smile evaporated. "It was me you wanted to hook that time, wasn't it? With the enchanted fishing rod?"

He nodded, still extremely red. "Of course," he said in a sluggish voice.

"Well, don't do anything like that again," she said matter-of-factly. "Magical stuff like that always lead to trouble."   
She leaned back a little, flexing her fingers. How tired she felt, as if she'd had an unusually long and demanding workout. Maybe I shouldn't have spoken about all this old stuff so much, she thought. Maybe it would be better to delve into why he'd been doing several Shishi Hokodans over the neighbourhood recently. And what's with those bad dreams he keeps on about?

But she couldn't solve his life for him. And no one had the right to know everything, did they? 

All she could offer was her friendship. A small enough thing, but even so, it had to be heartfelt.

And now it could be.

 

*****

 

She stepped out onto the pavement and started to walk, first rather slowly. The rain had just stopped, leaving cold mistiness hanging in the air. Her weariness started to roll back in the fresh air. It didn't go away completely, just retreated into the  
back of her head and somewhere around her shoulders for some later occasion. 

She picked up her speed, looking around carefully. Mrs Saotome had left her directions to the restaurant. 

There were too many thoughts in her head. She ought to go through them, all the things she had thought about during the last few days, to pick out what was useful and worthy and discard the rest. If she only knew how.

Some of her thoughts were on what Ranma's mother had said. Mrs Saotome certainly seemed to put a lot of importance on boys being manly - by which she meant, she had explained when Akari asked, being assertive yet well-mannered, forthright,   
courageous, strong-willed, honest and clearspoken, determined, and relatively modest. Also, showing a healthy interest in girls, though she also felt boys shouldn't do anything too improper to girls they weren't engaged to, at least not if the girls were engaged to someone else. 

It all sounded a little too much, thought Akari. Not that she didn't think Ryoga had those qualities. But could anyone really be like that _all_ the time? It seemed impossible.

And if someone was that perfect... then he wouldn't need anyone else, would he? Besides, could such a perfect person ever really understand an ordinary, imperfect one?

Someday, she thought, maybe I'm the one who will be downcast and sad, who will need to be listened to and cheered up. If I have someone who'll stick by me then. Someone will know that you can't just be strong and cheerful all the time.

The restaurant should be further down this street, on the other side. Was that it? No - the name on the sign was not right. But perhaps the one a little further down? She craned her neck to see better. There were two people standing outside   
it, looking up and down the street just like she was.   
One was taller than the other, and wearing black and yellow in his hair.

A fierce joy seized her. Though the worries didn't leave, the joy still struck - through them, on top of them. 

The shorter figure seemed to notice her now, tugging the taller one's sleeve, pointing. Then a big truck came by, obscuring the view.

One day, I want us to go to China together, she thought. 

She hurried towards the crossing.

 

* * *

"...and someday maybe, who knows baby, I'll come and be crying to you."  
-Bob Dylan, 'To Ramona'


End file.
